BACK TO SCHOOL: How parents can teach respect, resilience in children
July 30, 2026
By Rebekah Hall
University of Arkansas Division of Agriculture
Fast Facts
- Teaching resilience can help children navigate challenges
- Allow children to make mistakes, learn from them to build resilience
- Parents should model respect of others, set firm consequences for disrespect
(1,057 words)
LITTLE ROCK — As families prepare for a new school year, an extension expert says it’s important for parents to instill resilience and respect in their children to help them cope with new challenges and difficult feelings.
“The concept of resilience means that you can bounce back when faced with stressors or changes that disrupt emotional regulation, routine or family environment,” said Brittney Schrick, extension associate professor and family life specialist for the University of Arkansas Division of Agriculture. “Challenging situations, even if you’re prepared for them, can still cause disruption and stress, so showing resilience is crucial, but it isn’t always easy.”
Moving up a grade level to a new classroom or school, adjusting to a more structured routine after the summer, and navigating new teachers’ expectations can all be examples of challenges that children face at the start of the school year. One of the most important ways to teach resilience and help young people learn to cope with these challenges is to allow them to make their own mistakes, Schrick said.
“Parents who are prone to fixing or preventing mistakes don’t allow their kids to develop skills to deal with things on their own, including the consequences of their own actions,” Schrick said. “I hear adults regularly comment about how kids need to ‘toughen up,’ but much of why kids have difficulty with big emotions and big changes is because they never learned to cope with little ones.”
Schrick said this can happen through small actions, like making a child clean up a mess they made instead of doing it for them, insisting a child experience the natural consequences of their actions — even when it gets uncomfortable — and letting a child work out a problem instead of solving it for them.
Coping with big feelings
Teaching kids a variety of skills such as deep breathing, grounding techniques and journaling can offer ways to process stressors and deal with them in real time, Schrick said.
“Deep breathing techniques can be used anywhere, and they often help kids and adults calm down if they are experiencing challenging feelings like frustration, anger or overstimulation in a loud or anxiety-inducing environment,” Schrick said.
Grounding techniques can be especially useful for people who are prone to getting stuck on intrusive thoughts about the past or future, she said.
“These techniques can be as simple as drinking some very cold water, chewing ice or using an ice pack to shock the nervous system into focus on a sensory experience instead of focusing on the thoughts causing anxiety,” Schrick said. “Other grounding processes include focusing on sensory input, like what you can see, hear, taste, smell and feel.”
Though ear plugs or headphones can be helpful to students who are easily distracted and overwhelmed by noise, some schools will not allow these to be used all the time. Schrick said that with the popularity of some “fidget” toys, including squeezable ones filled with a dough-like substance, it can be helpful to remember how these toys are intended to be used: as sensory input.
“Some schools have made rules against fidget toys that can cause messes, but there are lots of other options that are quiet and mess-free that can help students focus and move when they are supposed to be sitting still,” Schrick said.
Teach respect by modeling it
Helping children become resilient is connected to teaching them how to respect their teachers, other adults at their schools and their fellow students. Schrick said one of the most important ways that parents and other grown-ups can teach children about respect is to show respect themselves.
“Speaking about and to school personnel in a respectful way and giving children advice about how to handle situations respectfully, rather than going in to handle them for the child, teaches respect for the school personnel as authority figures instead of opposition,” Schrick said.
Parents can teach respect from an early age by modeling respectful interactions.
“Families who show respect for others typically raise respectful kids,” Schrick said. “When kids start going to school, how their parents speak to and about teachers and other school staff will have a huge impact on how kids learn to show respect.
“Telling a child to say ‘yes ma’am’ but then speaking negatively about a teacher in front of them will likely backfire over time,” Schrick said.
Sometimes grown-ups must step in on behalf of their children, and it is natural for an adult to want to take their child’s side when the child is experiencing a conflict, Schrick said.
“However, stepping in to handle every conflict teaches a child that all they have to do is tell their parents something, and they will go and take care of whatever is bothering them,” Schrick said.
Create clear boundaries and expectations
For tweens and teens especially, Schrick said the current cultural environment is very difficult to navigate.
“The expectation of respectful interactions with adults has become less and less common, and it causes a lot of conflict in classrooms,” Schrick said. “Parents should make their expectations very clear to their students: ‘You will show respect to your teachers and administrators, and if you don’t, there will be consequences.’
“What those consequences are will vary from family to family, but if kids know there are no consequences, they might push the boundaries a little harder,” Schrick said.
Respectful children become respectful adults
Schrick said that because respect for the humanity of others is an important part of interacting in the world, people who put their own preferences and comfort above that of others will have a difficult time functioning in a community.
“Being aware of your surroundings, watching where you walk, paying attention to how loud you are, holding the door for someone, picking up after yourself, or picking up something someone else dropped — these are all things that add up to a courteous and respectful community,” Schrick said. “The world is a stressful place to be, and sometimes one little courtesy can improve someone’s entire day.
“Everyone likes to be seen and shown respect for who they are as a person,” Schrick said. “Showing respect to others, simply because they are human and worthy of respect, can go a long way to building a stronger community.”
Visit the Personal & Family Well-Being page on the Cooperative Extension Service website for more family life resources.
To learn about extension programs in Arkansas, contact your local Cooperative Extension Service agent or visit uaex.uada.edu. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram. To learn more about the Division of Agriculture, visit uada.edu. To learn more about ag and food research in Arkansas, visit the Arkansas Agricultural Experiment Station at aaes.uada.edu.
About the Division of Agriculture
The University of Arkansas Division of Agriculture’s mission is to strengthen agriculture, communities, and families by connecting trusted research to the adoption of best practices. Through the Agricultural Experiment Station and the Cooperative Extension Service, the Division of Agriculture conducts research and extension work within the nation’s historic land grant education system.
The Division of Agriculture is one of 22 entities within the University of Arkansas System. It has offices in all 75 counties in Arkansas and faculty on three campuses.
Pursuant to 7 CFR § 15.3, the University of Arkansas Division of Agriculture offers all its Extension and Research programs and services (including employment) without regard to race, color, sex, national origin, religion, age, disability, marital or veteran status, genetic information, sexual preference, pregnancy or any other legally protected status, and is an equal opportunity institution.
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Media Contact:
Rebekah Hall
rkhall@uada.edu
501-671-2061