Konnecting with Kris Blog

Connect with Saline County FCS agent Kris Boulton.

Good Communication is it Present or Hidden?

The ability to communicate effectively is one of our most important tools. In fact, it’s a necessity. The goal of good communication is to have both the speaker and listener feel comfortable with the conversation.

If we practice good communication, hopefully we will:

• Prevents misunderstandings. [With good communication, we express ourselves clearly so that others know what we think or need.]
• Builds relationships. [Good communication helps us to build and maintain relationships with family and professionals. We are able to speak up without alienating or blaming others.]
• Increases chances of being heard. [When we use good communication, others are more likely to listen to what we have to say. If we come across as angry or blaming, the person usually only hears the anger and the blaming. And our intended message is likely to get lost.]
• Reduces stress and frustration. [Good communication reduces the stress that comes from unclear messages. Consider how good you feel when you think someone really understands your feelings.]

If we follow a few communication guidelines, we are more likely to be heard and have successful communication!

The best way to express ourselves is to:

1. Use “I” messages. [“I” messages enable us to express our feelings, such as anger or disappointment, without blaming others or causing them to become defensive.
   
   
2. Respect the rights and feelings of others. [This means we don’t do or say things that violate another person’s rights or intentionally hurts a person’s dignity or feelings. We also recognize the other person has the right to express their feelings to us.]
   
   
3. Be clear and specific. [This means we speak directly. We don’t hint and hope people will guess what we need, and we don’t expect other people to be “mind readers.” It also means we don’t use tactics such as “guilt trips” to get what we want.]

We want to be sure that what we say is a genuine “I” message. Sometimes statements beginning with the word “I” can have a blaming tone because they carry a hidden “You” message.

“Hidden You” statements begin with words like “I feel...,” “I am concerned...,” “I need...,” but then, they are followed by a “You” message. A “Hidden You” message can be as simple as I feel that you don’t understand. “Hidden You” messages also cause people to become defensive.

If you would more information about communication, read about effective communication with your partner.